Body vs. Spirit

Are our spirits and bodies interconnected or completely separate? Is there a way to know or find out? How could we decipher the difference? I view this subject as a light bulb. Without light, a light bulb becomes solely a bulb. Useless and inanimate. This co-relates directly to humans. Without spirit, we would be just as useless and inanimate as a bulb without light. But just as light takes up no space and cannot be contained, spirit is just as inconceivable. We cannot hear or touch light, nor our spirit, but what we can do is feel. We feel the warmth of a ray of sunlight against our face. It warms us and it is undeniably present. Just as is our spirit. We feel such strange and terrible things. It is said that there is no real reason for the human body to create and excess of liquid in our tear ducts when we are sad. Yet we cry. How? Our spirits feel such feelings that perhaps it is our souls crying and not our bodies. The spirits within us are therefore unique and separate. We are not our bodies, they are but shells protecting us. Simply souls and spirits within it.

Sh

I painted myself with lines I now cannot erase to set free the sickness growing inside my veins. I am sick, every cell diseased with self-loathing. It always starts the same, hooded eyes stare back at me as I occupy the bathroom floor. I do not make the decision, the act lulls me gently to another world tucked away deep inside the universe that is my brain. How could I even try to defy hooded eyes filled with hate. Any attempt would fail. Slowly the hate in those eyes echo inside my hollow chest. It boils over my hostile hearts and suddenly it's happening. Skin tears until the thrill is gone, and when it is, green eyes cry.

Doors

So many people enter and leave your life, hundreds and thousands of people. You have to keep the door open so that they can come in, but it also means you have to let them go.

Divergent, Veronica Roth

"Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames."

Basically sums up everything.

We fall in love multiple times in our lives. Every one of these serve us as lessons, because unrequited love, love that fades and love that see's too many differences teaches us more than any stuck up university professor ever could. It thickens our skin, and opens our mind to things we would never have considered prior to these lessons life so graciously provided us with. It is at this time that we begin to put the pieces of ourselves together and view ourselves as a whole, to finally become who we are when we are alone.

Paths

Choosing has always been such a difficult task for me. I've been indecisive all my life, constantly over analysing my options in fear that I may miss out on something extravagant. Who knows? With every decision we make, we are eliminating an extensive amount of possibilities and that has always been scary to me. I want to take every path possible, explore all my options. Although it seems as though my inability to make a decision has become crippling. Instead of following every path... I follow none.

Hand kisses, cheek kisses, nose, forehead, neck, shoulder, collarbone, back, stomach, hipbone kisses. Good morning kisses, good night kisses, goodbye, I miss you, I love you, I need you kisses. Rain kisses, beach kisses, sunset, sunrise, party kisses. Angry kisses and happy kisses. First kisses, second kisses, hundredth kisses. Kisses in the light, kisses in the dark, kisses that touch your lips and kisses that touch your heart.

It would be cool if someone wanted to kiss me.

Honest list of daily thoughts

• Who invented math and why was he not executed immediately? (I believe this is a question that truly deserves an answer)
•  I'm really hungry/need to pee/tired (By far my most common thoughts)
• Thoughts I shouldn't but will disclose on my blog (Usually followed by "wow I'm batshit crazy")
• What's for dinner? (Salivation may occur)
• Lana Del Rey lyrics (If Lana is not included in your daily thoughts... I pity you)

And that pretty much sums it up... Oh I guess whatever I write here goes on in my head as well (most likely filed under thoughts I shouldn't be expressing anywhere).

T.H White

"Perhaps we give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think of us in return" 

- T.H  White

A sentiment to which I believe everyone can relate to, we give the entirety of our hearts to those who we know will never give us theirs. We fool ourselves into believing that this person might possibly begin to understand the way we feel when we are around them, but to no avail. They could care less that our hearts break, our tears fall and our blood drips red. They produce the hope, push us to fall for them... All the while knowing in the back of their mind that there will be no love in return, that this is a game they have mastered. Everyone always says that love is blind, and this is why. They blindfold us and expect us to compete in the game in which they've written every rule.

I believe that we are never more ourselves than in our dreams. It is only then that we are liberated from all societal pressures, and we transform into the person we would be without them. Our subconscious, every thought, however faint they might be, takes over our mind. We feel what we had hoped to forget, as well as what we hoped we'd always feel. We become the braver, bolder, more courageous version of ourselves. The version we've had within us all along, the one we've yearned to live with. We become who we truly are because we know no person could ever judge us, could ever tell us the world our subconscious being has built is flawed.

After all, we control our dreams don't we?

Outside Looking In

I am endlessly fascinated by the social interactions of those who surround me. I suspect this is a result of my lack of socialization skills and my profound ability to observe everyone else from a distance. They fake smiles, laughter, relationships so that they can feel as though they belong for a split second. I never understood the phenomenon, to pretend to be happy when I could not even fathom the sentiment. People do not want to socialize with someone who cannot pretend, and so I've learned to observe. Looking in on everyone faking their way through life with people who, in reality, they cannot stand. They are people made of brick... Staying intact when thrown to the ground, but the wear becomes apparent over time. Houses collapse, foundations crack and bridges fall, that is when you see who they are on the inside.

Paper Towns

If any of you are wondering... If anyone is even reading this, the title "We all live in paper towns" is a reference to John Green's book Paper Towns.

“Here's what's not beautiful about it: from here, you can't see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. You can see how fake it all is. It's not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It's a paper town. I mean, look at it, Q: look at all those culs-de-sac, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I've lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters."

Amen. 

Melodramatic

Being alone isn't as bad as one might think. However the thoughts you had buried and locked away in the deepest, darkest corner of your mind, that you willed yourself not to remember in the light of day, seek revenge when you are alone. I strongly believe that this is why normal people surround themselves with the company of others, to keep those thoughts at bay. But there are a few, or perhaps I'm the only one, who welcomes these thoughts with open arms. Dousing myself in the pain and sorrow they bring because I know this is the most I'll ever feel.

Mirrors

It has always fascinated me, how wrong our perspective of someone can be. Ten people could have ten different perspectives of one person... Almost as though we are looking at this one person through different fun house mirrors. We could never know which parts are distorted by the mirrors, and which are real.

Escapism

Leaving never feels as good as we imagine it would. We plan our escape for years, but once we've reached our destination - we're disappointed. The thrill is in the planning. When we are so completely absorbed in the thrill of getting away from it all, we do not stop to think that our escape is not as grand as we had once predicted. Because it seems that our past, our history, follows us no matter how far or fast we run. It is nestled into the back of our mind, attacking us once we feel like we've escaped everything we used to be. But I suppose there is no "used to be" when it comes to us, we are a mismanaged array of our past and our present and our future, all intertwined into this mess of a being we all try to desperately to escape. But the question is, is this even possible? Can we truly forget all that we've left behind? Our past haunts our present no matter our location, and believe it or not, that is why escaping never feels as good and as grand as we had hoped it would. But we do it anyway, escape our lives and escape ourselves in hopes of finding that peace of mind that we so desperately cling to. This does not make us pathetic, but rather hopeful that things will get better if we are some place else. Somewhere in the world that has no idea of who we are. Where our names have no past, no obstacles to overcome. I suppose this relates to our instinct of fight or flight. Either you fight your past, your choices and mistakes, or take flight. Soar the skies until you find somewhere your mind has created, somewhere that does not exist. I choose to fly.

Hi there! I suppose if you're reading this you want to know what goes on in my head on a daily basis... If you don't I suggest you bring you mouse over to the red "x" on the top right hand corner of the screen and left click. If you visit often enough you'll be welcomed into my daily thoughts, although I can't promise they'll be anything exciting. I guess that's all I really have to say..